Long ago, in ancient tribes across the earth, the master of the hunt was regarded as the ultimate leader. The one who could bring home the largest and most dangerous prey to feed the hungry village was enshrined as chief and took his rightful place at the head of the tribe. In the vast steppes of Eurasia, that prey might be antelope or deer; in the savannahs of Africa, wildebeest or gazelle; in the frozen tundra of the north, perhaps wooly mammoth, or even the mighty moose.

Image Credit: Lisa Langell

Our weapons and methods have evolved, but the principle of connecting leadership with the ability to hunt has not. George Washington rose to the rank of general in the Revolutionary Army primarily because of his skill in bringing down the elusive hart or dangerous catamount with a short burst from his musket. Abe Lincoln made his reputation in Illinois by wrestling bears. Or, maybe that was Bear Bryant of Alabama. The point is the same.

Franklin Roosevelt, another great president, was crippled not by polio, as many believe, but in a battle to the death with the last remaining saber-tooth tiger. That they are extinct now is thanks to him; that he survived is testament to his qualifications for leadership.

Alas, the focus on hunting as a sign of leadership has sadly faded in American life. Instead, it has been replaced by esoteric concepts of experience, oratory, rhetorical skill, and a basic comprehension of domestic and foreign policy.

That is why millions of Americans rightfully rejoiced when it was discovered that we now have a candidate who harkens back to those halcyon days of tribal chiefdom. True, Sarah Palin does not hunt with bow or knife as our ancestors did, but that is a sign of progress. The fact that the great hunter is now female is another sign of how far we’ve come. The important fact is that she can hunt. That quality — not knowledge or experience— is what demonstrates the ability to lead.

So what of the other candidates? I am not so crass as to suggest that they should have no opportunity to prove their mettle. Simply because they have not yet shown the ability to hunt, and therefore lead, does not mean that one of them might not rise to the challenge.

Here’s what we should do. We must allow all four candidates to prove themselves worthy of leadership in the old-fashioned way. We must hold a hunt.

Having the hunt in Alaska, of course, would give too much of an edge to Gov. Palin. The event should take place in a battleground state: Michigan. The target will be the mighty moose, which has for too long roamed our northern forests in dwindling numbers with impunity.

The candidates will all travel to Newberry, Michigan, the moose capital of the state. There, they will be outfitted with the same minimum equipment that our ancestors used on the hunt: a high-powered rifle, weather-resistant camouflage and a knife for field dressing the moose once it has been killed.

The first one to bring back a dead moose wins the presidency. If there is a second place, that person can be vice president.

Although we can’t know for sure how the candidates would perform, we can make some educated guesses based on their backgrounds.

Sen. Barack Obama grew up in Hawaii and Indonesia. He was educated at Harvard and earned a degree at Harvard Law before going to Chicago to teach, work as a community organizer, state legislator and U.S. senator. He plays basketball, but there is nothing in his background to suggest he would have the faintest idea of how to hunt a moose. He will probably be eaten by a bear.

Sen. Joe Biden grew up in a working-class environment in Scranton, Pennsylvania. He has been a U.S. senator from Delaware since 1972. Notoriously, there are no moose in Delaware, so he also would have no idea how to hunt one. Given his advanced age of 66, he probably won’t even survive long enough to be eaten by a bear. He will likely wander off and die of exposure, frostbite or just plain old age before a predator even has a chance to get him.

Sen. John McCain was a fighter pilot and P.O.W. in Vietnam. Because of the injuries he sustained there, he has limited range of motion in his shoulders. This will not affect him shooting the moose, but it will make it more difficult for him to field dress it and return with it to the camp. It is unlikely that he would die, mostly because he is too much of a badass.

Finally, Gov. Palin is the only one with real moose-hunting experience. Even though she won’t know the terrain in Michigan, she should have no problem tracking down the moose and killing it with her bare hands (or the high-powered rifle). It won’t take her long to gut the massive creature and bring it back to base for some moose stew.

Governor Palin shows off her leadership skills.

These results would provide clear direction for our country. Gov. Palin, because of her ability to hunt, would become president. Sen. McCain would fill the role of vice president because he will be the only other candidate to survive the rigors of the wilderness. The other candidates, whose appeal is based on those abstruse and inapplicable skills of public speaking and comprehension of issues and policy, would be given a proper burial.

Even the liberals would have to applaud this method of choosing a leader. Not only does it harken back to the days of yore, which must please conservatives, but it is gender-neutral, allowing for the strides that women have made in hunting.

Don’t let the complexities of the modern world lead this great nation away from its roots. Don’t concern yourself with issues and complicated plans put together by over-educated elitists.

Let us instead go back to the tried and true method of choosing a leader. We must distill this election to the most important quality: the ability to hunt a moose.