When people say ‘Happy Holidays’, they are trying to be inclusive. Christmas, Hanukah, New Year’s Day and Kwanzaa all take place during the holiday season. If you want to be generous, you could include Thanksgiving. If you’re talking to a football fan, the holidays certainly include Super Bowl Sunday as well.

Apparently, our new President has a Super Bowl pick. Image Credit: Joshua Debner

Christmas is regarded as the major holiday of the winter season. When compared to the quintessential American holiday of Super Bowl Sunday, the former solstice celebration doesn’t stack up so well.

Here are six reasons why Super Bowl Sunday is a better holiday than Christmas.

1. Entertainment

Christmas Day is set aside for time with the family. Unfortunately, no one in my family can run the 40 yard dash in 4.4 seconds or smash through a wall of blockers to demolish a quarterback. There’s one lousy bowl game on Christmas Eve, and that’s it. There’s usually an NBA game on, but I’m not a fan. Super Bowl Sunday, on the other hand, has the biggest football game of the year, the last glimpse of light before 7 long months of football-less sports desolation.

I usually don’t like the halftime show, but hey, anything is better than Christmas Carols.

Advantage: Super Bowl

2. Food

The Super Bowl is traditionally a time for gluttonous consumption. Barbeque ribs are the traditional meal for my group. People eat steaks, burgers, and order enough pizzas nationwide to feed most of the world for a week. There are nachos, chips and dip, and gallons and gallons of glorious golden beer.

Christmas is certainly not a time for buying tighter pants either. There are cookies, brownies, chocolate and all manner of homemade desserts. Many families gather for fabulous feasts that rival the variety and deliciousness of Thanksgiving. I routinely gain at least five pounds over Xmas, and sometimes ten (theoretically I work it off after New Years).

This one is too close to call. There are different kinds of food and different styles of eating, but both of them have me salivating.

Advantage: Tie

3. Hype

The talking heads on ESPN analyze the game from every imaginable angle. Players are interviewed, despite the fact that athletes always say the same things. Coaches are interviewed, and they say even less than players. The sports page (yes, I still read a newspaper) will have stories about the Super Bowl every single day between the conference championship games and the big day, and that’s in a city that doesn’t even have a team playing. The pregame hype will start early on Sunday and go on and on and on, until you think they will never actually start the game.

All of that pales beside the monstrous hype that surrounds Christmas. I once tried to boycott any store that put up decorations before Thanksgiving. I had to stop because I couldn’t buy groceries. Everywhere you turn, you are surrounded, smothered by Christmas. There are displays in every store. Every commercial on television is about Christmas. The only topic of polite conversation available for an entire month is Christmas. It is omnipresent, unavoidable, and excruciating.

The Super Bowl hype is bad. Christmas hype is nearly unbearable.

Advantage: Super Bowl

4. Social Awkwardness

Since I don’t really celebrate Christmas, I encounter a lot of strange social situations. If someone says ‘Happy Holidays’, I assume they mean Super Bowl Sunday and the bowl games, and leave it at that. Of course, many people say ‘Merry Christmas’ (as is their right - don’t give me that political correctness bullshit). If I’m feeling impish, I will reply with a hearty ‘Happy Sol Invictus Day!’, but that leads to strange looks and long explanations. I tried stating that I don’t celebrate Christmas, which leads to the assumption that I’m Jewish. If I say I’m not, the next guess is usually devil-worshipper (for the record, also false). Usually I grunt something vague like ‘You too’ since I can’t actually bring myself to say M. C.

The Super Bowl makes social interaction easy. You can go up to almost any adult male and say something like ‘How about them Cards?’ They say ‘Yeah! Isn’t it amazing!’ and you’re done. Or, you can say ‘Who do you think’s gonna win?’ (you don’t have to specify what game- we all know). Then your conversational opposite responds ‘I don’t know, but I think that Steelers defense will be too tough.’ That’s it. Conversation over. Smooth and easy.

Advantage: Super Bowl

5. Presents

This is partially an extension of part 4. There are so many ways in which the minefield of Christmas giving can cause problems. The obvious case is when someone gives you a present and you got them nothing. Or, a person buys you an expensive or elaborate gift, and you got them a toothbrush. Either way, you feel about 6 inches tall. These can happen in reverse, where you give a great gift and get nothing or crap in return. Then there’s the situation where you get a gift you don’t like and don’t want, and have to pretend to like it (it’s even worse when you have to wear it). I try to warn people far in advance not to buy me anything, but every once in a while one slips through the defenses.

Here’s the rules for taking gifts to a Super Bowl party: bring a six pack or some dip.

Advantage: Super Bowl

6. Cost

If you already own a television, the Super Bowl is free. It’s not on pay-per-view, although I’m sure the idea has crossed the mind of a TV executive somewhere. If you add in costs for food, it might come to $20 a person. Maybe $30 if you go all out. Of course, if you buy tickets to the game, you may have to take out a second mortgage on the house, but the vast majority of people can watch the game without paying a dime.

It is hard to get away from Christmas for less than $20. I don’t really have a good idea of what people spend on Christmas, but I’m guessing there are a lot of people who spend several hundred dollars at least. There are probably people who spend several thousand dollars each Christmas.

At least it’s good for the economy.

Advantage: Super Bowl

Christmas managed a valiant tie in Food, but Super Bowl won the other five categories hands down. There are other advantages to Super Bowl Sunday as well. You can gamble on the Super Bowl, but not on Xmas (although that would certainly make things more interesting). The Super Bowl only lasts one day, so you gain less weight. The Super Bowl has the best commercials of the year.

The list goes on, but the competition does not. In the battle of the holidays, Super Bowl beats Christmas every time.