The woodwork of the baseboards and crown molding is intricate but simple. The wood floors are clean but dull. Wooden crucifixes adorn the wall and Catholic iconography finds its way into every corner of the space.
A collared man sits behind a large rectangular desk on a tall chair. The back of the chair extends several inches above the priest’s head.
Jaime sits on the opposite side of the desk in a stiff, undersized wooden chair.
PRIEST: Would you like anything to drink, Jaime?
JAIME: No, thank you, I’m fine.
PRIEST: I think I’d like to start with a prayer. That won’t offend you, I trust?
JAIME: Of course not. Do whatever it is you feel you need to.
The Priest raises his face to the ceiling and shuts his eyes. Jaime bows his head slightly, while closing his eyes.
PRIEST: (makes sign of the cross) In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit…Heavenly Father, in all your majesty, we pray for the troubled soul of Jaime, your son and your gift to his mother. We pray that you give him the prudence and strength to overcome his shortcomings and clarify his vision to the perfection of your plan for him.
Jaime keeps his chin to his chest, but peeks at the priest.
PRIEST: In your name we pray.
Jaime starts to make the sign of the cross, but he stops when he realizes the priest is not yet finished.
PRIEST: Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses. As we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil, Amen. Jaime completes the sign of the cross with the priest this time. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.
JAIME: Amen.
The priest returns his face to Jaime’s general direction.
PRIEST: Now, Jaime. Is this whole thing true?
JAIME: That I’m going to kill myself in 23 days?
PRIEST: Yes. Is it true?
JAIME: Yes. It’s true.
PRIEST: Have you spoken to anybody about this?
JAIME: You mean professionally?
PRIEST: Yes.
JAIME: Yes, I’m seeing someone now.
The old priest remains unmoved. Jaime shifts uncomfortably in the punishing seat.
PRIEST: You’ve no family history of mental illness. I know; I’ve known most of your family. Served with your grandfather.
JAIME: I know.
PRIEST: You have a good family. On both sides. We were all shocked when your parents were divorced. Both devoted, caring people. And devout.
JAIME: Yes.
PRIEST: But you’re not. I haven’t seen you at mass for some time now.
JAIME: No, you haven’t.
PRIEST: Your mother is the reason that I am seeing you now.
JAIME: And I appreciate that.
The priest breaks his perfect posture and leans back.
PRIEST: Had YOU asked, I probably wouldn’t have taken my time away from better parishioners.
JAIME: Oh. Good to know. Do want to wrap this up then?
PRIEST: You’re not crazy. And you’ve gone to too much trouble for me to believe you’re faking this. Logically, I come to believe that you’re serious. Am I wrong?
JAIME: You’re not.
PRIEST: Help me understand then. Is this some stupid existential crisis or something?
JAIME: No, this is the solution to that.
Jaime shifts in the uncomfortable chair for the last time. He stands and now looks the priest in the eye.
PRIEST: I’m not going to talk to you about the sin of what you propose, and you’re well aware of the Church’s stance on that.
JAIME: I am.
PRIEST: And I’m not going to get into any arguments, philosophical or rhetorical, with an atheist. I’ve had too many of those and I understand where they always end.
JAIME: And where is that?
The priest makes a circle in the air with his finger.
PRIEST: Right back where they started.
JAIME: True enough.
PRIEST: Quite frankly, Jaime, I don’t give a damn what you do or don’t do. So, what do you want from me then?
JAIME: To appease THEM, mostly. To make them believe they did all they could. Because though my death may not be on your conscience, I want to make CERTAIN, that it is not on theirs either.
The priest stands and walks around the desk to meet Jaime head-on.
PRIEST: I promised your mother that I’d keep you at least an hour, so what do you want? Want to talk literature or movies? I hear you are a pro at pop culture. Very privileged young man.
JAIME: That I am.
PRIEST: Maybe that’s your problem. Too privileged for your own good. Haven’t seen half the shit that I’ve seen. Maybe then you’d be thankful for your life, and your possessions. I know some kids in Somalia who would be.
JAIME: Living and surviving are two very different prospects. Surviving is an active pursuit while living is passive. Surviving is necessary. Living is not. Life and Survival seem alike, but are actually opposites. It is living and dying that are closely related.
PRIEST: Still not sold. What next?
Jaime walks over to the priest’s bookshelf. He picks up a copy of “Huckleberry Finn” and flips through it.
JAIME: We’ll talk about books. You’re a scholar, you appreciate them.
PRIEST: How about the classics? Might I suggest “The Inferno”?
JAIME: Seven is my lucky number.
PRIEST: Or Chaucer.
JAIME: “Radix malorum est cupiditas.” Right?
PRIEST: Something like that.
Jaime puts the book back and peruses the titles. He picks up another and flips it open.
JAIME: I was always impressed with stories and storytellers. What do you think it takes to create an entire world?
PRIEST: A little imagination I reckon.
JAIME: One might suggest it to be God-like.
PRIEST: We are made in His image.
Jaime snaps the book shut.
JAIME: The only difference is that WE have to live in the world created for us. That’s what makes us real.
Is this some sort of month long Camus/Kierkegaard Absurdism quest? Does he get to the end of his month and we learn that he’s decided “the solution to the dilemma is to end one’s life”?
I looked into the Camus/Kierkegaard Absurdism and at first did not think this applied to Jaime, but you guys are far above me in philosophy. The good thing is I learned something new. And compared this to what I have been reading of late and did a lot of thinking… I like self esteem and self efficacy better than absurdism which leads one away from ethics and into an attitude of uselessness. There is still opportunity in day to day routine even for one to learn and grow and improve one’s life. I didn’t get the impression that Jaime’s goal was self centered, but maybe suicide always is.