Politics can be described as a kind of sport.  It has winners and loser, professionals and amateurs, and obsessed fans who follow their team’s every move.  [Granted, with 30-32 teams each in the NFL, NBA and Major Leagues it’s much easier to find someone both competent and worth rooting for.]

Just as the NFL season culminates in late January or early February with its Event of the Year, the Super Bowl (which is still a better holiday than Christmas) so too does the political year culminate with the State of the Union Address (unless there’s an election, but we only pay attention to those every 4 years).

Here’s how the Super Bowl and the State of the Union compare.

Prognostication

As soon as the date is set, the pundits began frothing at the mouth about what’s going to happen, what could happen, what should happen, what happened last year, and what might be happening in a parallel universe.

It doesn’t matter if it’s political pundits analyzing the upcoming speech or football pundits analyzing the upcoming game, the blather is the same:  Obama needs to reach out to Liberals/Moderates/Conservatives by promising to pass/kill the health care bill while creating jobs by cutting taxes/spending a bunch of money and reducing the deficit by raising taxes/ cutting programs.

Or, if you prefer:  The Colts/Saints need to establish the running game/passing game because it will be the Colts/Saints offense/defense/special teams that decide the game.  The key to the game will be the Colts/Saints ability to score points/stop the other team from scoring points.  Whoever scores the most points will likely win, unless they turn the ball over.  Turnovers are always deadly.

No matter what anyone says, you can always find an equal and opposite pundit.  Is it really that hard to just wait and see what actually happens?

TV

Everywhere on Earth shows the Super Bowl.  I’ve watched games in Spain, Turkey and Czech Republic, and I’ve got the Slingbox set up for Korea.  The game is on in every corner of the globe, usually (and there is some irony here) at an Irish Pub.  The fact that the game is on in the middle of the night in Europe and Monday morning in Asia won’t prevent expats and locals alike from tuning in.

In the States, the day is a holiday unto itself, with people hosting huge feasts in honor of the game (the Romans would be proud).

The State of the Union is something that people watch more out of surprise than anything else.  We sit down, turn on the TV expecting to see the new episode of the latest cop/hospital/forensic drama, and instead the President is on.  He’s on all the other channels too, so you might as well stay tuned.

Both have big audiences, but only one is on purpose.

Human interest

For those unlucky enough to tune in to the Super Bowl during the 72 hours of pregame, you will see a soft-focus human interest story, probably about someone overcoming adversity and/or helping out in the community.  It’s not near as bad as the Olympics, but it’s there.

Similarly, it is a rare political speech that doesn’t include at least 2 or 3 gratuitous references to the stories of real Americans like Ebenezer Jones, whose wife left him after a rare condition turned his skin into green dragon scales.  His insurance denied him coverage by claiming the dragon scales were a pre-existing condition, he lost his job, and his house burned down, fell over, and then sank into a swamp.  Of course, this new government program is just the thing we need to help people like Mr. Jones. (For the record, if the President is a Democrat, the new government program will be complex series of paperwork designed to trick the insurance company and wind up benefiting a different Mr. Jones. If the President is a Republican, the new government program will be a huge tax cut for rich people in the hopes that they will use their tax savings to drop a sawbuck in Mr. Jones’ cup when he’s on the street begging.)

Wasted time

Most football games will waste at least 15-17 minutes before actually starting the game.  The Super Bowl takes this to a new level.  Every year, there is a point when I start to wonder if they ever will actually start the game, or if I have died and an eternal pregame show is my punishment.

NFL games will slip an ad or two in every chance they get: after a score, after the extra point, after the kickoff, during a timeout, injury, instant replay, not to mention halftime and the two minute warning.  This just gets worse during the Super Bowl.  At least some of the ads are entertaining.

The State of the Union has a shorter time frame, but the time wasted as a percentage might be even greater.  First, the President has to make his entrance, and be announced, much like players coming out through the tunnel on game day (the President should add smoke and a banner to run through).

Instead of commercials, the speech is stopped every 45 seconds so that everyone can clap.  The President will say something like “The future of America is what happens after the present, and the present is what happens after the past!” and everyone will stand up and applaud.

Winner

Here’s the biggest difference.  Like figure skating (which is not a sport) the winners and losers are determined by a panel of (self-appointed) judges.  Generally, it goes like this.  If the President is a Democrat, then liberal pundits give him an A and conservatives give him an F.  For a Republican President, just reverse the grades.  Moderates, which includes many American voters and no American pundits, grade the speech as a C (unless it preempts Lost- then it gets an F).

Football has a more direct way of determining the winner.  It has something to do with a scoreboard and a clock.

Despite their similarities, the Super Bowl and the State of the Union are still different.  After all, one is a venerable American institution with years of history behind it.  The other is just a speech.